Is this year over yet? God, I’m so tired of being in 2024 lol. But you know what, the end is basically here and here I am, penultimate post of the year, addressing the playlist and emotions of Fall 2024 and what I can remember of it (I’ll explain what I mean by that).

Fall 2024 has been an interesting interlude, but I can honestly say I felt the vibe of letting things go so well that I finally embraced this season and its goodness. So now as we welcome the chill of Winter, it’s time to share some of the songs on my playlist and thoughts on new releases from the season. Stick around for the full playlist.

So Summer was a very interesting plotline. Things were looking up in a very interesting way. I was digging my heels into some really exciting work professionally and trying to figure out what the hell is next for me. Truthfully, Fall 2024 felt like a big blur. I spent my time oscillating between 1) “omg cool things are happening!”, 2) “why does everything cost so much money and how am I supposed to handle this?”, 3) “what the hell is going on in this world?”, 4) “let me take a second to figure out how I’m feeling right now”, and 5) “you know, I think I know what I need to do next”. This mix of emotions was so strange but I can tell you one constant thought carried me through…and that is “Dave Bayley, you sir have my heart and I don’t know man, you just get it. You get me.”

Yes, let Fall 2024 be remembered for the time of my life that I lost my fucking mind over Dave Bayley of Glass Animals, respectfully of course. The impact this man has had on my mental/emotionall/spiritual life through his music and understanding his artistry with Glass Animals has truly been the little flame that has gotten me through these now cold nights.

Honestly his music got me to lock in and accomplish the one goal I set for myself this year: sharing my self-written, self-produced music for the first time. Putting my demos on SoundCloud is one of the biggest things I’ve ever done. And not only have I developed a new love for producing music, but I’m finding joy in doing this just for me and my inner teenager. I can’t wait for you to hear the other 4 songs and the polished versions next year around my birthday in February.

Yeah these last few months have all bled together honestly. But I can tell you that somehow, very gradually, new dreams have been sprouting up among the grief. And that was only possible by detaching myself from the version of me that existed in these last chapters of my life at my last job. It’s like I needed to remind myself that there was a version of me that existed outside the confines of job titles and company cultures. It’s been hard to grieve a good time of my life. But better is truly taking shape.

As I prepare to dig my heels into living life in a new way this Winter, I’m feeling determined to create space for myself in a way that feels intentional. I’ve struggled in the past with avoiding myself regularly by any means necessary. Which may feel contradictory to read knowing how raw I can be on the blog. It takes a lot for me to blog here, even if it’s been 5 years of this. But this seasonal rhythm has been one of the ways I have been able to keep track of my growth. I think it would behoove me to check in more regularly (not here necessarily, but just personally).

So yeah, I have a lot of things to sit with going into next year. But I’m staying hopeful and determined that good things and new dreams are taking shape. That said, let me show you all the songs that soundtracked Fall 2024.

Highlights

Boyhood by The Japanese House

“And I’m talking to myself again, but I don’t know who I’m talking to. I think it’s you…”

This song really set the tone for how I wanted to approach this season. I felt like all the practice of self-compassion from this year was being put to the test so I had to make space to play and try things out. It was hard because I was still grieving things, especially the job I had been let go of at the beginning of the summer. This song grounded me in the fact that I was figuring things out, that a new version of me was taking shape. I don’t wanna know where I’d be without The Japanese House’s incredibly thoughtful songs. I’ve had at least one song of theirs hold a special place in my heart with each season and I think that’s so special.

DAMAGE by Lights

“I swear this isn’t me, this is the damage talking…”

This song by Lights got me so good. I remember her sharing previews of the song and thinking “oh God, I am being READ”. I was so happy to learn that she produced this song by herself, which just further proves that she’s one of my biggest musical inspirations. This song is so vulnerable and 10000% explains a lot of the messy inner dialogue I’ve been having this season. I felt myself acting out, ever so slightly, because I had no idea how to live my life anymore. I felt untethered for most of this season because in all the rubble of the endings from the past couple years, I was needing to figure out how the new structure was being built. Instead, I had to realize that I was still being unkind to myself and that was making it hard for me to even dream about how I wanted to live next. This song gave me a way to pause in that feeling and call it out – that wasn’t me telling me I was already failing, it was the damage talking.

Flood by Hippo Campus

“Trying to keep it up, the constant flood is not enough, the world is changing…”

I remember sitting down at my desk to listen to Hippo Campus’s new album Flood while doing my nails and unexpectedly getting hit with a wave of deep emotions. I didn’t vibe much with their last cowboy-tinged project but I went into this with an open mind. But this crowbar of a song came through swinging to open up my heart. I was doing my best to keep the deep anxiety of the season at bay. I was working part-time in something I really loved and I found it really fulfilling, but my bills were piling up in a way they hadn’t before. Hippo Campus’s honesty in this album helped me make sense of the confused haze of emotions I was holding. Namely, that I was struggling to hold on and make sense of everything. I could feel things changing but I couldn’t tell if I had made enough space to grieve. It felt like a flood and I realized the only way to move past it was to move through it. So yeah, more crying.

Mentos and Coke by MICHELLE

“Autumn’s saying it’s the end…”

MICHELLE came out with a fantastic album and I was obsessed with it. Songs About You Specifically is full of these perfectly crafted jams. I mean lest we forget how much I listened to “Oontz” in the summer. “Mentos and Coke” hit me in this sweet spot where I was trying to make sense of my cognitive dissonance in this season. I felt like this song helped me realize that cool things were starting to happen to me in the present but I felt still so stuck in the past. I really wanted to move past the icky feelings but I needed to just sit in them a little longer to let them pass in their right time. Even if it felt like it “was all about to blow” and I was going to be done grieving soon, I needed to keep moving through the emotions still in my body. This song sounds like sitting next to a tree and just watching the leaves falling around you in a very gentle way. This entire album just has good grooves to move messy emotions through your body. “Painkiller” was also heavily on repeat for its jazzy, R&B vibe.

So Cold by Balu Brigada

“She knows it’s over, oh, it’s ’bout to blow…”

Among my Glass Animals fixation that dominated my listening for most of the season, I felt myself reaching for this song on repeat. This song is so addictive and it’s the definition of a sonic delight. I particularly love the bass line and the guitar sound, it just has a good bounce to it. It almost distracts you from the angst in the song. I felt the angst so deeply about a few things, but most especially in how the rose colored glasses about the good things that ended were slowly being lifted. It sucked to sit with that feeling. But the reality is that good things can sour hit me hard. This song helped me cope with that feeling. It’s just such a bop.

Growing Song by COIN

“Maybe I’m growing out of you…”

Somehow COIN’s newest album hit me harder this autumn. There were so many songs that jumped out at me, seeming to explain my inner dialogue in this new season. This song specifically was a great reminder that I was shedding skin of a past version of me, that a new version of me was breaking through. Seriously, this song helped me see the beauty of autumn and the way you have to acknowledge that you need to prune and harvest for new things to grow. It really felt like a balm to my soul to acknowledge that the outgrowing process was fully the theme of the season.

A Place You Can Meet Me by Carol Ades

“If I never try then I’ll nеver know the ways only you can see me. So I’ll drivе all night to find a place you can meet me…”

This tender song felt like a call from my inner teenager in this season. I could feel her speak up about the grief I was holding. I’m really used to avoiding the depths of my feelings in my day to day, especially when I feel a negative emotion coming on so strongly. But I’ve been trying my best to make space for the negative emotions and accept the fact that they’re trying to tell me something. This song specifically gave me the words to invite that inner dialogue, knowing that God was also there in the mess. Carol Ades’s new album is full of tenderness and listening to it has been so helpful in continuing to check in with all the sides of me.

Who Am I? by Orla Gartland

“If I’m your everything who am I?”

Orla Gartland’s album almost made me change my mind about my album of the year. Every project of hers has the ability of making me feel so seen and I knew that going into her latest. As I grappled with understanding my authority and agency in a way, she released this project all about letting go and finding the power in being yourself. This song specifically described what I have been wrestling with: if I’m so much more than just who I am in relation to another person, then who am I? This is definitely coming up in the rubble of the people pleaser self I’ve been letting go of. There’s been times when I feel like I have my answer. But there have been times recently when I’ve been questioning everything. This song makes space for me to doubt. Please listen to Orla’s new album, it’s like a warm hug for me and I am so in awe of it.

What’s It Gonna Take To Break Your Heart by FINNEAS

“If you only knew the way I pray for you, there’s nothing I can do…”

FINNEAS really released a stellar album. I loved jamming to it throughout the season. This song particularly is a perfect little sexy coffeehouse vibe. The bass in this song moves this song so well. I really found myself going to this one because the movement in it really makes my brain happy lol. Potentially controversial of me, but I loved FINNEAS’s album more than Billie’s. I just feel like FINNEAS’s album hits my indie rock lover heart so well and it makes me feel more seen in it. I’m happy to report that I have a ticket to see him and Bad Suns on tour in Denver in March and you best believe I’m over the moon about it.

Lovefool by Bad Suns

“Love me, love me, say that you love me…”

Speaking of my favorite band ever, I’m so grateful Bad Suns gifted us this cover to tide me over until they release the new songs they’ve been working on next year. I love the original by The Cardigans so much and Bad Suns absolutely slayed it. Don’t think I’ve forgotten how the first time I heard this cover live was last fall when I ran into my ex at that Bad Suns/The Band Camino concert. I didn’t feel the desperation towards him then but it was definitely bubbling up. Christo still won best interaction I had with a man that day…by a landslide. I’m not at all ready to see what lyrical damage Christo is planning to inflict on me next year. But yeah, good way to prep me by reminding me how desperately I’ve wanted to be loved.

I Never Loved You by Halsey

“I never loved you, I never loved you in vain…”

I couldn’t predict the way this song hit my heart when I listened to Halsey’s The Great Impersonator album. Halsey paints picture of passing away on an operating table, which could’ve been a reality with the health issues they experienced. This song is a letter to the lover that she would leave behind in death, that even though things were tense, the love was real. In my own way, I felt this song in my soul as I grieved the old version of me but still somehow was holding onto some sweetness towards my ex. Very cheekily this song repeats “I never loved you” before saying “I never loved you in vain” and I really feel like it helped me give voice to the love I still felt for that ex from last year. Not in a “I want you to come back right now” kind of way, but in a “I hope you know I think of you fondly” kind of way.

Apple by Charli XCX and The Japanese House

“I’ve been looking at you so long now I only see me…”

This version of “Apple” really spoke to how I was starting to harvest the lessons from the heartbreaks I had been grieving for most of the year. I remember being on a hot girl walk listening to this song with the cool autumn breeze in my hair and it hitting me that I was finally getting cozy with breaking through the grief because a new version of me was emerging. Whether it was my ex, my last company, my last church community, or even my relationship to my parents, I was realizing that I’ve truly been looking at those things so long that now I only saw me. It took a lot of time to get there. But it felt like the sweetest reward to understand that my new way of making space could really just be the invitation in this song: “I wanna know where you go when you’re feeling alone.” Being able to be curious about my feelings like that felt like a big step and it definitely coincided with the new season of therapy where I started processing the new me emerging.

How To Hide A Body by Daisy Grenade

“Stifling, clip my wings. God, you squeezed the life right out of me…”

This song was my Halloween bop, in all its unhinged “I’m over it” glory. I remember driving on Halloween night to my friend Courtney’s house as we embarked on an adventure and thinking to myself that it felt nice to do something chill this year. It felt good to do something wholesome (watching a movie at the Ford) and not be in a sexy costume around drunk, weird strangers, still hung up on my ex, as I did last Halloween lol. Most importantly, it felt good that I didn’t feel like crying about that because I was no longer heartbroken about it. This year I was in the mood to hide the body. This song helped me realize that all the grief was pointing me to the anger stage where I was so done with the things I had been letting go of. It was time to put it all in the ground.

ISABEL by Never Ending Fall

“She’ll keep running, running, running…”

You know a band is special when every new song they release is your new favorite song. I had been listening to demo after demo version of “ISABEL“ until the NEF fam was able to convince the boys to release this banger of a song. I loved the fact that they played this song on their summer tour and I for one lost my goddamn mind when I saw them play it at the Troubadour. This song is just perfect to me and it definitely captures the “I want to run away” energy I rebelliously held onto throughout this season. I’m hoping I can make it happen but there’s a slight possibility I may be able to follow the NEF boys on tour for a bit next year. That should tide me over until London next summer. Ain’t that something.

Dirty Laundry by Alfie Templeman

“And it’s never gonna change, if you don’t do shit about it…”

Alfie’s newest song felt like it was screaming at me. In this very transitional period, I was feeling forced to stop avoiding the chaos and make some order from it. After being in a perpetual state of grief for most of the year, I felt drained so I often would feel like I needed to numb myself again to keep some sort of normalcy. But of course, I was hating the fact that felt normal. Similarly, I would panic about my finances not being enough so I would try my best to turn off my brain about it. I hated the cycle of notice anxious feeling –> suppress with avoidance. So I started putting myself out there in little ways. One of the little ways actually led to something special: the opportunity to start working part-time with a music management agency. By even just noticing that icky feeling, I learned that it was better to express the emotion and decide to do something about it instead of letting it just numb me out. Great advice Alfie.

rain by mxmtoon

“And it’s so sad to think that I won’t be here forever…”

This song really prompted a reframe about something really important for me. I’d been feeling stir crazy about leaving the country for months now and I felt powerless that I couldn’t take immediate action due to my financial situation. But this song reminded me that paying attention to the present moment, in all its major inconveniences and frustrations, was a blessing in itself because one day, this season will pass. I started daydreaming about being in London, somehow homesick for LA. It was funny because I had a friend from London stay with me and my family for a couple months and she was so happy to be here in LA because it wasn’t cold and gloomy like London is this time of year. So to listen to this song and picture this future version of me felt important. I love the way mxmtoon puts it in this song: “when I’m sitting in the sun, I think about the rain”. So simple, but so vivid.

Someone Else’s Dream by Absofacto

“Even if I don’t know quite exactly where I want to be, I’m not gonna stay here stuck in someone else’s dream. Maybe I’ll find mine’s a nightmare, but I don’t even care
I just wanna live inside my own dream…”

This song perfectly captured the glimmer of hope I was trying to nurture as my next career pivot was taking shape. I’m not used to working outside some sort of corporate structure, but I’ve liked it. Even though I panicked about finances trying to find a second part-time job in retail (and was unsuccessful in that), I found comfort in the fact that God clearly has been opening the right doors for me and shutting the wrong ones. The work I’ve been doing is so fulfilling and aligned with what I want to be doing next and it may not look like the stability I’m used to, but that was definitely someone else’s dream. I love that this song so dreamily reminds me that I’m still trying new things and I have the agency to do so.

That’s So True by Gracie Abrams

“Said that I was fine, said it from the coffin. Remember how I died when you started walking?
That’s my life, that’s my life…”

I blame TikTok for opening the hole for this earworm to sneak in. I remember listening to this one on Gracie Abrams’s deluxe version of her album The Secret Of Us and thinking to myself “doesn’t this sound like another song on her album”? I dismissed it for a while…until everyone doing the fun little TikTok challenges to this song showed me how unhinged this song’s lyrics are. It’s kinda funny for that and for that I came to love it. Sometimes it’s fun to be an unhinged teenage girl and I love how this song makes space for the humanity of that. I am so thankful I haven’t had a situation like this song describes. But also the above lyrics are a pain I know too well.

The Other Side of Paradise by Glass Animals

“I settle for a ghost I never knew, super paradise I held on to…”

I had to practice an insane amount of restraint when deciding that this is the ONLY Glass Animals song I’m gonna talk about on this post. There’s a lot more on the playlist though lol. I had to limit myself because ICYMI, I have only talked about them for the last couple posts on the blog lol. Sorry but also not sorry at all, I love them and according to my Spotify wrapped I listened to them for 40 days straight apparently. Me in the wilderness for 40 days listening to Glass Animals is not even a joke. In diving into their discography this season, there were some songs that immediately hooked me and then some that were more of a slow burn. “The Other Side of Paradise” was a slow burn. I remember first listening to this one in my pre-GA concert discovery and being like “why is there a bark as part of the beat…what a strange choice. But also a very interesting story being told here.” Seeing it live was electrifying but believe it or not I wasn’t won over then. I kept listening to it because the bark did get stuck in my head. But then one day when I was reflecting on how I’d felt numb earlier this year, I realized how I related to it. That and seeing all the tour videos of Dave singing “I feel so fucking numb” with so much passion spoke to me on a deep, deep level. (It was so hot of him to do that every night on tour.) And that’s when the song clicked. This song basically helped me realize that I was on the other side of paradise, that maybe the good things I experienced in the past few seasons of life were more gray than I thought and the numbness was actually a warning sign that I needed to change my life drastically to get realigned with my goals. Life definitely looks different on the other side of paradise.

Defying Gravity from Wicked

“Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game…”

Yes, it is time for me to hold space for the lyrics of “Defying Gravity”. Of course I was excited to see the Wicked movie. It meant a lot to me and I really feel like it was so well done. This musical has a really special place in my heart. Wicked was the first musical I saw and not at all ironically, I saw it as part of the first singing class I took when I was 10. The singing teacher had us doing songs from it for our recital, so as a way to get us inspired, he took us to see it at the Pantages Theatre. Safe to say my little artistic mind was blown. But watching the Wicked movie felt like I was watching my inner child (Glinda) and inner teenager (Elphaba) interact. It made me realize that I was fully needing to lean in and explore the side of me that fights for truth and those whose voices are silenced. I feel really excited for the opportunity to do so in some of the new beginnings I’ve got lined up.

Inconsolable by Katie Gavin

“We’re from a long line of people we’d describe as inconsolable. We don’t know how to be helped…”

I was so excited to hear Katie Gavin’s solo project, especially after she previewed this song at The Japanese House’s concert back in August. Amber of The Japanese House said this was her favorite song of all time. I’m not usually a folk song lover but this tender song really shines in its lyrics. She really made me feel seen in this song because of the ways I was noticing my parents in a more sympathetic light. It’s just such a pretty song. The second standout from the album “The Baton” really expands on that generational trauma theme and I love that she went there. Please listen to her album, it’s just so masterful.

Untether by Sophie Truax

“I just wanna untether. I’m still tryna pull myself together. I just wanna untether from you ’cause getting over you is getting old…”

With this song, I felt able to express how frustrated I was with the fact that dealing with grief continued to be a daily activity but I was in process of finally detaching from the life I had been living. My process of untethering was really about remembering that even though the past 3 years were something special, it wasn’t the end-all-be-all for me. I started thinking about all the lives I’ve lived in my 20s: being a freshman in college, studying abroad in Shanghai, being a committed journalism student, trying to be a cog in corporate America. And then the happy marriage of tech startup and music industry shenanigans. The past 3 years were important for me but it was never where I was supposed to stay. It’s been freeing to realize that in the process of detaching from that recent era of life that I’ve been able to voice what I want my life to look like next. I crave living a life that has me interacting with people on the daily, ideally around music business shenanigans, flexibly, in different cities, and not just on Zoom and Google Meets. It’s already started happening and I’m happy that I’m untethering from the past.

DENIAL IS A RIVER by Doechii

“And honestly, I can’t even fucking cap no more, this is a really dark time for me, I’m goin’ through a lot…”

Doechii’s album came out in August and even though I was so late to listening to this album, I was OBSESSED with what she achieved in it. This project almost gave me Tyler the Creator vibes in the best way possible and idk it was just an exciting project to sit with. This song specifically is so theatrical and I love it so much for that. This entire album is a perfect sonic collage and it absolutely deserves all the Grammys buzz. There’s so many genres blended in and you can tell Doechii makes it her own. It really served as a big inspiration for me to do the big theatrical thing in my art, especially as I continued work on the remaining songs on my music project. You gotta listen to this album because Doechii is an ARTIST in the most captivating way.

Bass Player’s Brother by Valley

“Come on, baby, tell me that you hate me…”

Valley really came through swinging at me with this song. I loved this song sonically since I listened to their album in the summer, but of course, one day I was on a walk listening to this song and it hit me. This song is challenging me to practice a new level of patience with myself as I step into a new word of the year next year, “discipline”. One of the hardest questions I’ve started to ask myself on a regular basis is “am I doing this because I love myself or because I hate myself?” Obviously because I’ve had a hard year, I’ve let myself have those off days where I binge watch shows and let myself go a little numb. But I’m realizing that if I want to build a life I really love where I’m more than just a participant, I need to do everything out of love, including choosing when I need to discipline myself and how to discipline myself. This song so artfully makes space for me to do that boldly.

Leaving A Light On by COIN

“I’m leaving a light on, sometimes it feels like the first time…”

The drop in this song feels like the exact energy I’m stepping into the colder days of winter. These days I’m really doing my best to leave a light on and tap into the ever-positive energy in me. The time to focus on the darkness has passed; it’s time to focus on what the light will illuminate next. COIN so beautifully calls me to look at all the new beginnings taking shape: I’m launching a startup in the music business next year, I’m starting work with a music management agency, I’m working towards a stint in London next summer, and of course, I’m releasing my first music project in the world. A new era is starting and now more than ever I’m figuring out how I want to exist and impact this world. It’s exciting and it’s gonna take living my life in this incredibly intentional way. I can’t wait to try it on for size.

Albums/EPs you gotta listen to: Flood by Hippo Campus, Songs About You Specifically by MICHELLE, Late Start by Carol Ades, Dunya by Mustafa, Coyote by Tommy Richman, Everybody Needs a Hero by Orla Gartland, Moon Music by Coldplay, For Cryin’ Out Loud! by FINNEAS, Changes All The Times by James Bay, Brat and it’s completely different but also still brat by Charli XCX, Metamorphosis Complete by Infinity Song, The Great Impersonator by Halsey, liminal space by mxmtoon, Cunningham Bird by Andrew Bird and Madison Cunningham, The Jester by Wallice, What a Relief by Katie Gavin, GNX by Kendrick Lamar, Persona by half-alive, Alligator Bites Never Heal by Doechii

Fall, you were all about letting things go and boy did it feel good to let it all go. As winter sets in and a new year starts, I feel excited to build new things and confidently step into a new chapter. There really is so much to look forward to and even though this isn’t at all how I imagined ending this year, I feel more empowered than ever. I expect to report some really cool news in Spring time. But for now, one last insane word count article about Glass Animals coming right up!