Oh 2015, I remember you like it was yesterday. Because honestly, it feels like I blinked and here I am 10 years later. Except there’s a LOT of interesting parallels to that time.

Realizing this jump of time while listening to one of my favorite albums from that year (that has a 10 year anniversary release!) has been crazy because it’s like I’ve come full circle in the most unexpected ways.

So I figured I should tell you all about that. But first let me tell you about where I was when I first obsessed over EMOTION by Carly Rae Jepsen.

In 2015, I was a college sophomore studying abroad in Shanghai, China. It was the first time I was truly away from home and weirdly enough, I felt at home on the completely opposite side of the world. I was away from my family for the first time and I felt pure freedom. I loved walking everywhere, riding public transportation, and just soaking up being in the city with this album as the soundtrack. I remember taking notice of the feeling and thinking “it’d be so cool to be an expat in another international city one day”.

This album met me in a super unexpected way because it was part of my world opening up to more current pop music. I was a really annoying “old music is better music” kid in high school and it was in late 2014-2015 that I was opening myself up to newer music. I couldn’t deny it – this album was pop perfection. The themes in this album of being emotional, anxious, yearning, pleading, searching for love, and disillusionment completely described me in 2015.

Fast forward 10 years to 2025 and not only do I listen to this album thinking about about that time of my life, but I’m realizing that those same themes are with me now as I’m returning to that dream of living as an expat in another international city.

The only way to properly unpack these paralleled themes is for me to go song-by-song and compare/contrast 2015 and 2025. While talking about how genius this album is of course! So here we goooo…

Run Away With Me

“I wanna go get out of here sick of the party, party. I’d run away, I’d run away with you…”

I remember listening to this song every time I was on the plane to Shanghai that year. I knew adventure awaited me every step of the way and I was so eager to chase it. Truthfully, I was romanticizing the idea of running away at the time because I was subconsciously wrestling with the fact that my parents’ marriage was not the aspirational thing I thought it was. All I wanted to do was escape it. As I found myself falling in love with the city of Shanghai, I found freedom. There, I was exploring who I was outside of LA, my parents, and the Latino culture I grew up embedded in. And every single adventure I found in Shanghai was soundtracked by this song. I also had a crush on a boy named Evan during this season and I would let this song channel all of the exciting romantic feelings I had for him. We traveled together a bit when we were there in summer 2015. I just wanted to keep running away with him.

Now this song with its euphoric saxophone riff is so obviously how I feel about London and my long distance boyfriend Luke. Except this time it’s not entirely that I’m running away from my family or America or anything — it’s more of a “running to”. See, when I went to London in June, I was just following through on the call that was on my heart for London quite literally since high school when I became obsessed with the city and its musical history. In fact, I almost studied abroad in London in 2015. I got into the competitive study abroad program at Pepperdine and everything. But I decided that I could go to London later – for now, Shanghai was calling my name. It feels crazy to realize how I’ve felt this pull to London for 15 years and now it’s come to fruition. Very quickly I’m finding out that there is at least an era and at most the rest of my life to live in London. The same way Shanghai called my name and made me fall in love is the same way London is calling my name, making me fall in love, and making me visualize what it would be like to call the city home. And this perfect pop song is here to “take me to the feeling”. It also feels so beautiful to have a man like Luke redeem all that Evan was not equipped for.

Emotion

“Not a flower on the wall, I am growing 10 feet 10 feet tall…”

This angsty bop helped me wrestle with one thing in 2015: the fact that Evan was missing out on me. Obviously, that story didn’t end well. We had gotten to know each other while we both studied abroad in summer 2015. He was my religion professor’s son. At the end of the program, I told him I liked him. He said he liked hanging out with me but wasn’t sure how we’d handle the distance I would be in Shanghai for my sophomore year and he was going back to Indiana for the third year of his music program. We resolved to be friends for a while but then I struggled letting him go. While I was in Shanghai away from him, I would listen to this song to try to regain my power. I missed him big time and I knew I missed him more than he missed me. That unrequited love was a hard cycle to break.

Now, this song has two new meanings for me: 1) the way I’m saying goodbye to things in LA and 2) the playful long distance relationship with Luke. In a lot of ways I feel like I’ve outgrown LA and it really sucks. Mostly because I have felt so under appreciated and unseen here. It’s like I want to be missed by everything here. I’ve only realized that by knowing that Luke is definitely dreaming about and missing me. And the older I get the more I want to be where I’m wanted. It’s funny to me how Evan cited not wanting to be together because of the distance and Luke has proceeded despite the distance. It’s poetic.

I Really Like You

“I’m running out of time, going out of my mind, I need to tell you something…”

This song was one of my songs of the summer in 2015. It was the anxious romantic feelings I had for Evan. He was so sweet and shy and musical and secretly funny — I just loved being around him. But I was really really really anxious about it. And I was “so in my head” and “out of touch” about it.

It really is poetic that now I’m madly and securely in love with Luke. Like — this is the most secure relationship I’ve ever had and it is so fun to just get to express myself at every level of it. I wrestle so much less with my anxiety and it’s because of the safe space Luke and I have co-created. I get to outwardly process things with him and even though he’s an internal processor, he loves me through it all. I know this IS love because I can vulnerably express all my anxieties to him and know he wants to be with me through it.

Gimmie Love

“Cause I want what I want, do you think that I want too much?”

I used to daydream about this kind of love in 2015. Because I felt so much anxiety about Evan, I felt like this song was secretly expressing what I wanted: a safe space to love someone with my whole heart. Like “I Really Really Like You”, I was longing for something real but wondering if I was asking for too much. I wondered for years if he was just being nice to me because he had to be. I don’t regret the love I did show, but I hate that all my Cupid’s arrows just sort of hit the wall with him.

Now, I’m listening to this one with an unbridled heart. And again, it’s because of the relationship Luke and I are building. It really is such a shock to my nervous system to be so vocal about wanting someone and them actually receiving it. I’ve shot so many Cupid’s arrows at Luke (and he at me) that it’s a sign of our playfulness. It’s my favorite thing that this song captures that.

All That

“Show me if you want me, if I’m all that…”

I didn’t listen to this song much in 2015. It was too romantic and secure for me lol. Again, I envied and longed for it.

This exists on Luke and I’s shared playlist now haha. I love how sweet and sultry this song is. Honestly it’s a grade A makeout slow jam. It’s pleading in the sweetest way and I love how it expresses devotion AND friendship. I really love being friends with someone I can also makeout with. It’s a new level of intimacy that scares me less the longer I’m in it.

Boy Problems

“And I know that she’s right and I should not be offended, I know what it looks from the outside…”

This song went PLATINUM in my headphones in 2015. Because of Evan and all my anxiety from it, I was a whiny little bitch with an undeveloped frontal lobe. I really don’t know how any of my friends in my Fall 2015 program put up with me because I was literally sad and obsessive about him all the time. I remember being REALLY self-conscious about it. I knew they were echoing the sentiment in this song when they weren’t in front of me and it was hard because I struggled to move through it. It was a classic case of “I know this in my head but it’s not going to my heart”. One of my friends at the time tried to talk some sense into me multiple times but I remember feeling it didn’t go anywhere. TBH Carly Rae Jepsen was way more effective in telling me that I deserved better than Evan. But nonetheless, I remember feeling really alone in the Fall semester. I felt just sort of unseen as I grieved what Fall 2015 had been.

Now I don’t have boy problems anymore and I’m SO thankful for it. My friends are all excited for me and Luke and eager to meet him which is another favorite thing. But that said, I’ve had a new round of friendship issues that I’ve been navigating. Adult friendships are so weird because of the way you tend to grow apart. Like, you can want to be there for them but when you notice them not showing up in the energy you are giving them…it’s like unrequited love all over again. And I really don’t want to be in spaces where my love isn’t being appreciated anymore.

Making The Most Of The Night

“I know you’ve had a rough time, but here I come to hijack you, hijack you, I love you while making the most of the night…”

While I struggled through being in Shanghai without Evan, I felt the city singing this song to me. It’s like I felt God working through this dance-y pop song as I got myself into “exploring the city” mode. The thing that kept me going in Fall 2015 was that as sad as I’d be, I knew I had to leave my room often and go on solo adventures in the city. It was what kept me in love with the city.

Meanwhile, Luke added this song to our playlist. It feels so wild to be in love with someone who speaks the language of moving through your feeling with music like I do. It’s the best way I can describe part of the unspoken connection we have where it’s like our souls just naturally know how to love, care, and be sensitive to each other. This song reminds me how much he loves me and is eager to be with me when things get hard. And I return that to him. Also, I undoubtedly feel that London will also be singing the song back to me the more I get to know it.

Your Type

“But I still love you, I’m sorry, I love you…”

I remember listening to this song when I’d spiral about Evan. I wanted him to miss me as much as I missed him. But something in me (my self-esteem demons) always reminded me that I wasn’t his type to date. Just the type he’d call a friend, if that. I made so much time for him so much that I called him more in Fall 2015 than I did my family. I think that detail really reveals my heart and priorities at the time.

Now I feel this song towards LA. I used to dream about the rest of my life in this city. But it’s like I can’t see it anymore. Like I can’t feel it anymore. As proud as I am to be from LA, I feel like I’m not exactly seen here. I don’t fit in with the stereotypical influencer Malibu Barbie crowd. I don’t really feel a kinship with the Latino communities in LA. I find it hard to network in the music industry in LA and just communicate my love for music to people I meet in the city. Literally take your pick – I just feel like I don’t measure up to expectations. Maybe it’s because the 29 years of being the middle kid/the odd one out in my family or my various communities over the years, but I feel much more comfortable starting again somewhere new than begging to be prioritized here. I feel like I have to fight to be seen here and I’m just tired of the fight.

Let’s Get Lost

“But you, you could be the one, you could be the one…”

I listened to this song SO MUCH in 2015. I think it went triple platinum in my headphones. I used to listen to this song as I would prepare to leave Shanghai because I was just in love with the city. It was so wild how I felt so seen in this big city. It’s like I could just be myself, singing while walking down the streets like the main character in a coming of age movie. I didn’t want to go “home” to LA every single time. This experience made me realize that I wanted to make a home where I could walk around at night. Where there were no expectations for me. Where I felt like I could let myself see myself. Where I could feel safe to just be myself.

Now imagine my surprise when I saw Luke added this song to our playlist. Firstly, I was like “HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS SONG?” Secondly, I was struck by understanding that the same way Shanghai saw me is the way Luke is seeing me. The fact that he feels this way towards me is the sweetest thing and I can’t help but feel protective over that. I’ve come to understand how beautiful and important it is to value safety in a romantic relationship. How beautiful it is to want to take the long way home with someone.

LA Hallucinations

“There’s a little black hole in my golden cup, so, you pour when I say stop. So take me into your arms again and shake me from LA hallucinations…”

I first felt disillusioned by LA back then. I listened to this song a bunch while I was in Shanghai because it’s like I was realizing for the first time that LA was not the center of the universe. Especially like the entertainment industry wanted me to believe. And on top of that, I knew I was associating that city with my parents and their dysfunction. I was thankful for Shanghai in its gritty glory for shaking me out of the LA hallucinations then. I was really happy to hopping on planes away from it.

And now I feel the most disillusioned I’ve ever been about LA. This city (and America for that matter) perpetuates a culture that is overly focused on seeking comfort. It’s no wonder why so many people get into golden handcuffs here. I’m sick of it personally. I don’t want this life of sitting in my car and pursuing convenience — it’s making my brain smoother by the second. I have so much more to say on that so just wait till I gather my thoughts on this with my album of the year post. Until then, London, I’m begging you to shake me from LA hallucinations…maybe for the rest of my life.

Warm Blood

“Sweet one, you should stop me there but I keep on talking…”

I didn’t listen to this one much in 2015. It felt a little too sexy for that yearning era lol. I couldn’t do anything about it…besides I was way too anxious.

Now I feel like this song is helping me securely move through the feelings of passion in my relationship. Obviously, I can’t really do much about it while we’re not in the same city. But I feel like the dam is definitely filling up lol. That said, it makes me feel really alive. It’s like I’ve been realizing how beautiful it is to have physical feelings of desire. It’s annoying that I can’t do anything about it yet but sharing that feeling with someone you’re in a secure relationship is really awesome.

When I Needed You

“I don’t know what you wanted, I tried to be so perfect, I thought that it was worth it to let myself just disappear…”

This one also went platinum in my headphones in 2015. And it was all because I was painfully seeing that Evan was not the guy for me. I wanted to be the girl for him so badly but this song held a mirror to my face and made me see that he wasn’t there for me like I wanted him to be. I liked him a lot but it was PAINFUL to realize that as much as I liked him, that wasn’t gonna make him change how much effort he was putting in. It was a really tough lesson to learn. And unfortunately it took me literally the last 10 years to learn it.

Now I’m pretty far away from that feeling. Every change I’ve made since then has been for me and it’s so freeing to not want to conform into what people want me to be anymore. Honestly the older I get and the more I move away from my people pleasing, the more I really how exhausting that was. I still struggle a bit with people pleasing, but I’m realizing my authority and agency and really leaning into the idea that people actually like it when I show up as myself.

Black Heart

“Everything you ever wanted. Now it’s happening, under the blossom tree… ”

I didn’t listen to this song much in 2015. It felt a little too experimental for me and I didn’t know what she meant by black heart lol.

I actually am not sure if I truly relate to this song much now either because I wouldn’t describe Luke as having a black heart lol. I think it could maybe be interpreted as when someone sneaks into your heart? Idk. It is a fun song. I will say though…something tells me that everything I’ve ever wanted will be happening under a blossom tree in like 2 years. (Luke this is a hint. Please take it lol.)

I Didn’t Just Come Here To Dance

“If you’d just give me a chance, you’d see what I see, do you see what I see?”

This one was a JAM in 2015. Again, it was a yearning and anxiety bop for me. I loved how punk and sure Carly’s vocals were in this song. I’ve longed for this one to be played in the club though.

This one is still a JAM in 2025. Thankful that it’s less anxiety and more just pure yearning. I will be passionately singing these lyrics to Luke’s face very soon lol. Also I discovered that Joe and Tino were some of the songwriters on this track. The more you know lol.

Favourite Colour

“Hold on now, this is getting kind of serious…”

I dreamt loudly to this sweet love song in 2015. I remember investigating my daydreams to this song and wondering if I loved the idea of being in love more than being in love with someone in particular. I loved the idea of merging with someone in a sweet passion. It’s all I wanted to experience as a 19 year old.

Now I’m so in the feeling of this song and it’s again POETIC that we’ve got the British spelling of “favourite colour” here for my British boyfriend. I really love how Carly’s love songs in this album are just so precious and sweet. This one is – of course – on our playlist. I can’t wait to just sit and listen to this song with Luke. And maybe blend into our favourite colours.

BONUS: Deluxe Expanded Edition, EMOTION SIDE B, and 10th Anniversary Edition

There are so many songs in the EMOTION cinematic universe that came out after the original issue of the album and honestly, they’re all good vibes. But I want to highlight a few that were my favorites and further lean into the parallels.

Never Get to Hold You

“I never get to hold you as long as I want to…”

I recently heard this one and it really taps into the yearning theme of this album. Especially in the long distance theme of my life. It’s a sad song but it remains just so sweet in it. I feel like it really speaks to my relationship now and gosh I really just want to be in London with my love. The crashing out right now is too real.

Guardian Angel

“I wanna be your guardian angel, I wanna be the words you pray…”

Another one I recently heard because of the 10th Anniversary Edition. It is 100% my relationship now. It’s really beautiful and I feel so happy about it. This song is short but it articulates the idea of a safe and protective love.

Store

“You might not see me anymore, anymore. I’m just going to the store…”

This song reminds me of a Vine where this girl is dancing in a shopping cart…I know it’s a random memory lol. But real talk, I remember the discourse on this song feeling kind of juvenile. I always thought it was a bop and I mean it definitely helped me move through the Evan heartbreak. Now it’s just a funny memory of the time I was trying to move on.

Cut To The Feeling

“I wanna cut to the feeling…”

This euphoric pop song got me good when I heard it as a single in my junior year of college. It revealed how much of a lover girl was just dormant in me. I loved how unapologetically excited this song was because it was calling out how badly I wanted to be in love.

Now, being in love for the first real time, I wanna cut to the feeling of living with my love in the same city. Long distance has been a bitch and as good as I was handling it a few months, I am CRASHING OUT over the fact that I am so close to being with Luke in person again. He’s been scheming up some dates for us and I just can’t wait until I can sit in his presence and kiss him and run my hands through his hair and he can caress my hands…God, the whole damn thing. Let’s cut to that feeling PLEASE.

Anyway, if you made it this far, congrats. Please enjoy every song in the EMOTION cinematic universe. It’s really an iconic album that I will be telling my future children and grandchildren about.

ALL THE EMOTION SONGS

https://spotify.link/xzsj7Y7CJXb