“Where did the good boy go? Killed by desire…”

-NOT OK, 5 Seconds of Summer

First of all, forgive me for going all college psychology paper on y’all but I need to unpack something about why I haven’t been able to stop thinking about and listening to the latest 5 Seconds of Summer album. That and the fact that I am returning to London very soon is helping me get through January.

Second of all, now that I’m intimately interacting with a man who has a healthy relationship with his masculinity on a regular basis, I am learning SO MUCH about the male brain. And how else am I supposed to supplement my learnings than to make the connection to music that I’ve been enjoying?

Introduction

So to start, I have been very late to the 5SOS lore of it all. I need to explain that before I go any further because I feel I am two steps away from a New Music Crush with these guys. And it is likely at least 10 years too late for it lol. I know their fans are diehard and I respect y’all immensely so please forgive me if I am missing context of any sort.

I was not into 5SOS when they first came out. I was too deep into 60-80s music and my stupid superiority complex. But overtime, they turned me into a casual fan. I remember hearing “Youngblood” and going “oh HELLO, what a BANGER”. I was eating it up but I don’t know why I didn’t seek out more by listening to the album. And then I was surprised at how their song with The Chainsmokers is one of two objectively good songs The Chainsmokers have done.

It wasn’t until 2020 that I sat and listened to an entire album they had put out. CALM was a gorgeous mix of rock and pop that definitely brightened my lockdown era listening habits. This era gave us “Easier”, “No Shame”, “Teeth”, “Wildflower”, and “High” which had me absolutely GAGGED. It’s still such a great listen. As much as I loved these songs and enjoyed the rest of the album, I don’t know why I didn’t dive into the fandom. It’s like part of me wanted to focus on respecting them as musicians and not getting into the fandom. Which is a very rare thing for me. I usually go all in.

When they came back two years later with 5SOS5, I once again listened to the whole album, found my favorites (“COMPLETE MESS” and “You Don’t Go To Parties”), and then just peaced out again (sorry!). I will say though that re-listening made me realize how many gems this album has. AND there were some really interesting themes of love and commitment that paved the way for their latest album, EVERYONE’S A STAR!

I sat down to listen to this album because the promo I’d seen stoked my curiosity. Before I knew it, I was listening to this album while in London on my way to meet my boyfriend for a little cozy night in. And something immediately struck my mind as I listened.

Abstract

This album is a fascinating adventure into the brains of men. From a sonic perspective, there’s a lot of reverence and playfulness for all genres of rockstars — the big stadium shit, the indie sleaze, the gritty punk rock, and the sensitive crooning from bands with a pop rock flavor. I love the versatility and it really mirrors the lyrical content.

The lyrical themes in this album are a journey into the brains of men reckoning with what love does to their brains. Of course there’s good insight into their maturity as musicians with a background of being “boys in a boyband”. But what’s got me in awe is hearing how love as a force pushes them to grow. And I’m surprised to hear that there’s thematic parallels between that and the tension of maturity I’m witnessing in my boyfriend Luke.

This album dives into exploring how the sensitive, kind, mature romantic man coexists with the cheeky, sexy, angsty, primal rockstar and having witnessed that in my partner, it’s amazing. 5SOS don’t hold back; they’re not afraid to yearn AND they’re not afraid to call themselves out for needing help to evolve into a “man from a monkey”. As much as I wasn’t sure if I was ready to actually dive into the scary place that is a man’s brain, it’s actually way more fascinating than I thought. Especially when it’s a man that’s not afraid to call themselves out on their bullshit.

The Album

This album takes such an interesting journey. We start off with the bombast of a song, the title track “Everyone’s A Star!” It kicks off with a true larger than life, rockstar swagger. It’s expansive and seductive, the voice of a man that is both deceived and disillusioned by the life of fame.

In “NOT OK” we get the seeds planted of the inner tension. There’s still a bombast in the approach bleeding over from the title track. But it’s the voice of a man realizing that he has one weakness, a woman in his sights. He doesn’t know how to act around her, he’s just consumed by his desire. It’s sexy and dangerous and ever so punishing.

“Telephone Busy” we get further a picture the tension. It’s the voice of a man tempted to hide behind his cool veneer again, but really he’s still simping over this woman that is challenging him about his nature vs nurture. It’s such a clubby bop but it’s also such a fascinating conversation.

The tension is furthered in the world building added by “Boyband” and “No. 1 Obsession”. We get the world that 5SOS exists in, the voices of men cheekily self-aware of the conversations about them that fame has brought. I love how “No. 1 Obsession” feels like a cheeky wink to the fans after “Boyband” but really it is telling the deeper story arc of a man realizing he needs this woman to help him out of the darkness he’s seeing from his world. The music is still stadium ready but there’s a yearning seeping out.

And then all of a sudden, there’s a shift to full yearning. As if the excess of the anthemic rock stardom songs give way to moment of the hotel room after the show, where we see the sensitive moments spill out in “I’m Scared I’ll Never Sleep Again”, “istillfeelthesame”, “Ghost”, and “Sick of Myself”. These songs show the relational tension, the yearning for a partner that can help ground them. We get the voices of men missing their partners due to distance or breakups. And then wishing they had someone to help them get outside of themselves.

But then we get to one of my favorite moments of the album in “Evolve”. Sonically, you think you’re getting a party banger. But really, it’s an evolution of the sensitive moments in the last block of songs. The thinking in the hotel room illuminated what they need to mature in. The way that explodes into “Evolve” is so good. I love how honest this song is. I immediately loved this song because I don’t think I’ve heard guys be this self-aware and funny about how the idea of a women they need to get it together for is changing their brain chemistry.

By the time we get to “The Rocks” we get the voice of a man that wants to protect his lover. The sonic bombast of earlier and in “Evolve” gets furthered by grounding itself a new purpose: pleading with his lover that he’ll throw himself onto the rocks to make her feel “less alone”. It’s chivalrous and a little dramatic but so are men in love apparently.

We get the clear picture of what’s happening with “Jawbreaker”, a sweet love song from the perspective of a man explaining how much he loves the light that his lover brings to his life. He’s realizing that “all the darker parts” are “caving in” from being in this relationship and it’s everything he “didn’t know” he wanted.

Adding in the deluxe version’s songs makes this album even more colorful as an exploration of a man’s brain. “Start Over” is CRIMINALLY GOOD. It’s pleading and vulnerable, the voice of a man scared to lose his lover. It’s so persistent and ultimately, sexy.

“Wishful Dreaming” is an amazing exploration of a man processing the dynamic with his lover. There’s accountability in trying to understand the tension and yet with the repetition of “I wanna let go”, it’s up to interpretation if that’s a positive or negative letting go.

When we get to “Chest”, we get the voice of a man realizing that his lover has awaken the heart in him. It’s a beautiful and cathartic song about how love can heal and do a lot of good.

At the end of the deluxe album, we are met with “I’ll Find You”, a picture of gentle protectiveness that feels like masculinity distilled into its finest form. It’s dreamy and fantastical and yet grounded in the littlest acts of love.

Analysis

Like I said, I am obsessed with the arc in this album. Through all of the songs, there’s a longing for stability and light from a partner’s touch. It creates such a tension that is not only so real but so sexy. It’s no wonder I’ve left this album on repeat for the last month.

Now let me unpack what parallels I’m seeing with my boyfriend because of this album. The entire time I’ve known him, I’ve seen just how sweet and kind and intelligent and spiritual and respectful my boyfriend Luke is. His reputation for being a good friend and a thoughtful human was well known even before I met his friends. As a result, I’ve never felt safer with a man. But when I saw him after four months apart, I realized that he really is just a man…and they really do think with their dicks sometimes. No tea, no shade on that, but testosterone can be a helluva drug and no amount of conversation can prepare a girl for how much “freak energy” can exist in a man lol.

Seeing this side of him didn’t scare me but it made me realize how important it is to ground a relationship with emotional safety, because physical intimacy is so much more than just being able to touch someone. In fact, it’s sexier when a man can express all the different sides of him without shame or guilt. And that’s the picture I’m getting in this album.

The voices of the 5SOS guys are contending with ideas of desire, stability, love, and building relationships that allow every side of the man to exist: the rockstar, the boy, the sensitive poet, the sex-crazed idiot, the provider, the protector. It’s such a beautiful album arc to analyze. I’ve not seen such a clearer representation of the sides of the male brain in that before and honestly, this is my PLEA to bring back male yearning.

There’s such controversy around what true masculinity is and should be in the zeitgeist and as someone who’s not been in this intimate of a relationship with a man before, it’s been interesting to process what healthy masculinity is really about. The way I see it, it’s not that different from the journey I’ve been in with self-compassion. Whereas toxic masculinity is about living out this self-centered fantasy of the pursuit of money/sex/power/fame, real masculinity is based in learning to find goodness, letting it break you a little, and choosing to grow from it until you find a kinder, gentler side because it lets you be all things at once. And sure, sometimes that catalyst can be a relationship with a woman who loves you and is willing to see through your bullshit.

Conclusion

All in all, this album made me realize the next chapter of healing I’m in, funnily enough. I knew this time last year that I’d been making a lot of progress in therapy and I was starting to get the feeling that a serious relationship would be a new challenge that I was ready and open to. The challenge that’s arisen is what happens when you intimately encounter someone who mirrors you, but still has their own set of things to work through. Before you earn the right to challenge them to maturity, you have to know where they’re coming from. You have to approach them with the same curiosity and gentleness you’ve practiced with yourself. It’s then that you realize the responsibility to love them well.

And to me, loving someone well — namely, loving Luke well — is about getting to know all the sides of him and not being afraid to push him to grow. It’s my latest joy in life to be learning this with him and to have such a good soundtrack to illuminating this lesson for me.

That all said, 1) bring back male yearning in pop music — the world demands it and 2) go listen to the 5SOS album. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna be looking for tickets to their world tour bc I need to see this live.