Was there ever a thought in anyone’s mind that the new Bad Suns album wouldn’t be my album of the year? Because if so, clearly, we haven’t met.
Bad Suns, in case you’re unfamiliar, is my favorite band ever in the whole wide world. Not only do their songs absolutely bop but the way every single song this band has released since I became a fan in 2019 has soundtracked my life at the time of release is uncanny. Literally every time I get on my little soapbox and talk about them on here, I’m explaining how their latest releases capture exactly how I’m doing. So since they’ve soundtracked the crucial moments of my 20s, why wouldn’t they come through swinging as I clung to 29?
This album surprised me in a couple ways. But I suppose it was creatively brewing when Bad Suns released their last EP, Infinite Joy, at the end of 2023.
Infinite Joy was a stylistic shift for the band. They had parted with their longtime guitarist Ray and this EP had them leaning away from the brighter, guitar-driven LA pop rock they had done and towards an angstier, punkier, dance rock. The motifs in this EP felt a lot like Christo explaining his Saturn return, aka the part in your late twenties when you start to question everything and things just sort of fall apart and you need to rebuild. Aka the condensed explanation of everything I was going through since that exact time.
When I saw Christo posting pictures of himself in the studio for what would become Accelerator, my ears perked up – but of course I was like “oh brother, what devastatingly accurate words is this man working on now? And should I be scared?” I say that jokingly but in a way I was sort of scared of what words he’d have for me on the other side. Things were very chaotic in 2024 for me.
What hit me starting in January 2025 with the release of the first single, “Communicating” was…hope? Yes, as LA was literally on fire (Bad Suns has a lyric in a past album about that too btw), Christo was seemingly pointing me to a new scheme that God was brewing for me. A really funny way of communicating, one could say. I didn’t know it at the time, but some really big dreams were about to come true. And the way this album tells the story of all that began to flow from that point in my life, feels incredibly beautiful and poignant.
Accelerator is an album that explores the tension between hope and disillusionment, love and anxiety, and realizing that even though California has always been your home, something about it just doesn’t feel like home anymore…and “everything will be a-ok” because all the puzzle pieces of what’s next will start to fall into place. But you do need to leave for that to start happening. At least that’s the story I found. This album has an arc of feeling like you’re down on your luck amidst restlessness to feeling alive and in love to going back to disillusionment and realizing you need to grieve a deeper level before coming around to accept a big change. It kinda feels like the arc of when you accelerate: the hesitant push, the exciting thrill, the realization you’re going too fast and need to pump the brakes, and the moment of regulating at a more comfortable speed. It’s an ebb and flow and a tension I’ve been navigating all year. And God does it feel like the sweetest thing to have this album to walk with me through it.
2025 was a transitional year for me and my therapist illustrated it best when she told me that I was in process of moving houses. She meant it as the process of differentiating from my parents but little did she know it would literally start to physically manifest.
This album sounds like Christo wrote it from a very “divine intervention” led way. Which further proves that this man really has been meant to speak some love to my soul all along. So without any further ado, let me tell you about Accelerator by Bad Suns as I tell you about my 2025.
Slow Karma
“Don’t you dare give up on yourself, thunder clouds are forming, oh. Over the city, under the sun, still shining on my darkest days…”
This song was me for a lot of the year, but more so the first half. After the chaos of 2023-2024, I felt like I was flying by the seat of my pants — just trying to rebuild from my latest ego death but desperately wanting vision. I was starting to feel directionless. The “don’t tempt me with another miserable evening” was me every day in LA in 2025. My evenings in LA have been miserable for a long time: all my friends live far away/I perpetually feel like a burden, it’s become unbearably expensive in LA and $20 cocktails just aren’t worth it, going to concerts alone just isn’t hitting like it used to, the infiltration of complaining LA transplants in all the cool places was really starting to get on my nerves, and I was often working late anyway. On top of that, the “don’t tempt me with another beautiful morning” was right on the nose too. My mornings in LA similarly have been miserable except it’s the perfect example of golden handcuffs. Sure, not everyone in the world gets to see the sun almost everyday like you do in LA, even in the winter. Like, people literally never leave this city because of the predictable 70 degree sunny weather. But the beautiful weather began to feel like a nuisance for me, as if the sun rose just to mock me because it was moving forward and I wasn’t. It’s a little like waking up in Barbieland except I’m sentient Barbie after being in the real world.
This song immediately spoke to that restlessness and the hope that something new was coming. It gave words to my prayer to God that I needed something to wake me up/inspire me again in early 2025: “I’m still searching for some higher ground.” I love how this song still focuses on the resolute hope among the restlessness. I still remember listening to this song for the first time as I drove home from a music networking night in April. It felt like a sign that things were gonna change for me soon. I did my best to take it to heart, especially as time moved me closer to going to SXSW London in June. I’m still floored by the way the last chorus builds and soars. I get chills every time.
It’s also funny how my word of the year 2026, slow, was staring at me right in the face with this song. So obviously, this song is still relevant even now.
Ready To Take Flight
“Just know that when we’re apart I miss you so much, I’m ready to take flight…”
When I first heard this song in August 2025, I remember being a little spooked because why was Christo talking about flying and missing someone while apart when that was literally all on my mind.
I had spent my June trying to see if London was actually calling me after crossing off “go to South by Southwest” from my bucket list. My time in London was magical and full of so many synchronicities, down to literally hearing the voice of God at a worship night tell me “you’re supposed to be here”. As a result, I returned to LA like it was a foreign country and I started wrestling with the implications of what a move to London would look like. In my excited anticipation (and also longing for when I would be back in November), I felt like this song gave me the words to process how I was feeling about going back to London and how much I could see myself thriving over there.
I love the multiple meanings of this song: yes, I am mentally/emotionally/spiritually ready to take flight to London at any given moment, but also, I’m ready to take flight in the sense that I’m ready to start a new life out there.
A big reason I’ve felt so stuck in LA is that I have been living with my family and as much as I’ve invested in therapy, it’s not been enough to change the toxic situation I was born into. I got by for a few years escaping to concerts, trying to focus on my growth, investing in church communities I felt a sense of belonging in, hanging out with my friends, dating random ass guys in LA, saving up and making the career pivots I’d always wanted to. But all those things eventually couldn’t get rid of the feeling that I was trapped in a sort of perpetual teenagerhood.
What London in June of this year did was wake me up and show me the life I wanted to live next. And the alignment it gave me felt like the sweetest gift. I saw God at work everywhere, my nervous system calmed down for once, my hormones rebalanced, I was a career woman confidently making connections in an international city, and I ended up starting to date the love of my life. ALL IN ONE MONTH. How could I not feel ready to take flight?
This song is an encouragement in so many ways but I keep going back to how in the chorus Christo says “I’m not perfect I’m alive” and “it’s impossible if you never try”. Those are literally the two most important things I need to hear in this transition. For so much of my life, I’ve tried to move in a way that makes sense to everyone around me, especially to my mom. But this is the first decision I need to make that doesn’t really make sense. It feels like rebellion to choose this. And in this newfound rebellion, I know I need to lean in. I’m not perfect but I’m alive aren’t I? And then yes, when I think about all that goes into settling down in the UK, I feel overwhelmed. I mean there’s so many moving parts and so many things to figure out. But it is impossible if I don’t try, isn’t it?
Even with the overwhelm, I excitedly listened to this one as I took off to see London in November. Yes, I was scoping out to see if this California girl could handle the cold (spoiler alert: I kind of loved it). But also, 4 months apart from my boyfriend Luke was honestly the hardest thing ever. Honestly, he’s the biggest clue as to why this all needs to happen — I’m supposed to build a life with him. The joy I felt playing this song on repeat as I got ready to reunite with him made me realize that the new set of dreams that I’d been searching for in the past 2 years had started to materialize. It feels so amazing to have that vision again.
The sonic elements in this song feel euphoric and hopeful — like a bird flying through the sky. There’s also this 90s electronic music vibe that weaves through some classic Bad Suns melodies. It comes together in this springtime of a song and it soundtracks me figuring all of this out.
Mystery Girl
“I’ll pour fuel onto your fire, seek to your secret plan, tell me all your desires, I’ll be your secret man…”
Oh Mystery Girl, you gorgeous classic Bad Suns love song.
This one was released in June right as I was seeing the synchronicities in London, especially as I found myself falling in love with Luke. And this is actually the first Bad Suns song he listened to. We had taken a day trip to Brighton together and after having some breakfast, we went to the pebble beach. I had been debating sharing this new Bad Suns song with him because in my mind, showing someone my favorite band may as well be like telling my parents about him. But he very vulnerably showed me a song he was working on first, so I decided “fuck it, at the very least he hears the best band ever. But at the best, I guess he gets a peek into my heart.” Immediately after he finished listening, he said “I think I may have just found my new favorite band.” Which is the most insane thing a man could say to me. Might as well have said “I love you” then and there. Which by the way, he said later that night for the first time. He later clarified and said “ok, maybe not my favorite band, but definitely one of them.” Hmm, he still listened to Accelerator before I did and said it was a great album. Love is a crazy thing y’all.
This magical song (rightfully so) had me crashing out when I first heard it in June. Knowing how much Bad Suns likes to drop little hints for me with the songs they release, I was like “what is actually happening right now? Like this surely can’t be just coincidence that they release a love song and that same day the guy I’m dating in London is literally revealing himself to be the love of my life.” And let me just say, Christo Bowman walked so Luke could RUN.
As much as I associate this song with Luke and our love story (he sent me a video of himself doing a cover of it on our 6 month anniversary btw!!!), it also speaks to the really playful relationship I’ve had with God lately. In the midst of the chaos of this transitional year, I’ve been trying my best to lean into the little clues God is leaving me. To keep me from spiraling out about Luke too much in June, I did my best to ground myself in seeing our relationship as part of God’s bigger “secret plan” because it is. I always said I wanted my future partner and I’s relationship to point people to how good God is. I guess it was time for that story to unfold.
Sonically, this song feels like the falling in love sequence in a rom com. The words of it are so unbelievably sweet and playful. I go back to the lyrics “it’s been a long week, you can lay it on me” often because of the way it captures the spirit of emotional safety that Luke and I have built. I’ve had so many long weeks this year, and they’ve felt easier having my “secret man” Luke to wade through them with me. I love being his mystery girl.
Communicating
“Do you want me to stay? You’ve got a really funny way of communicating…”
This song being the lead single in January really had me in a tizzy. When I first heard this song I was actively trying to figure out why God had me shaking ass in a bathroom at The Bellwether during an LA fire relief club night to this song. January had been a literal disaster in almost every form of the word and it felt weirdly hopeful among a dystopian environment to hear such a fun song. At first I thought it could mean that my ex Steven could come back. As much I tried to entertain it on the drive home where I listened to it on repeat, I knew that didn’t feel right. Then I started thinking about how it could mean that in my London trip scheduled for June I could find myself a nice British man who has “a really funny way of communicating”. The way this literally happened still has me shook, frankly. I settled at the time on that second more hopeful interpretation, feeling God wink at me as I sang to Him “you’ve got a really funny way of communicating”. Because that’s the other person who’s got a really funny way of communicating with me.
I remember telling all my friends to listen to this song for me on my birthday and woof if I would’ve known what that would mean for me just a few months later. The way this song came true with Luke still makes me laugh. To the point when the day we went to Brighton, we literally had “some time and a bottle of wine”. And it was all because I referenced this lyric when we got the bottle of marsala wine after the nice Italian dinner we shared. In my life at least, God has a realllyyyy funny way of communicating. And I love how this song captures that meaning too.
Listening to this song at the beginning of the year felt like a lighthouse shining through the fog. The world may have felt like it was falling apart but what if that was for something new to come through. This absolute ass-shaker of a song became my go-to for daydreaming and I guess I’m just stunned at what it did for me.
Why Am I Like This?
“As cruel as it seems, I can’t decide what’s meant to be. When you’re with me, my dark cloud dissolves into the breeze…”
This song exactly captured me trying to work out everything after the magic that was June in London. As I got back to LA from that magical time, I found myself processing a lot of things, including confronting all my fears of finally being in a healthy relationship, all of the unanswered questions about how to move to London, and trying to figure out how I’m being pushed to grow in this next chapter.
My obsession with this song has held up a mirror to me where I’ve really come to see how much of an anxious mess I am. And I feel so annoying realizing I need a lot of reassurance that I am ok. It’s the faulty people pleaser wiring that I am still working through. I really love how this song captures that anxiety of existing in the instrumentation and the songwriting. The song just sort of spirals in a way. There’s something so satisfying about the way Christo just explodes vocally in the chorus. The way he sings “Why am I, why am I, like, why am I like this? Remind me I’m ok…” is not only so catchy but it’s like the perfect representation of a crash out. I would know because I have crashed out saying those words many times.
This song has been my anthem for most of this year, but especially August to October when I was away from Luke. With all the questions of “How am I gonna move to London? Where is this relationship going? What will my job situation need to look like? How am I gonna afford all of this? What are the next few years of my life gonna look like?” revolving around my head, it was beyond easy to feel overwhelmed. And honestly when I think of that time period this song explains it best.
When I left London in November though, I realized that the relationship that Luke and I had been building over those months was actually a new constant in my life. And vice versa. In so many tough conversations and situations we worked through in that trip, it became clear to that we need each other. It’s scary to admit that to someone but also, he is the man I need. He is the one who when I’m with, “my dark cloud dissolves into the breeze”. I ended up quoting those lyrics to him before I went into the security line at Heathrow on this last trip. It was such a sweet grounding moment for both of us. We both have been navigating our own crises since I flew back but it’s been so good to know that he’s there to remind me I’m ok and I’m happy to remind him that he’s ok. That’s what building a healthy relationship is all about.
Madeline
“This woman she leads to heaven, hang on for my life…”
Bad Suns love songs really do hit different. And this one is next level. The rhymes and rhythmic singing, the lyrical references, the instrumentation, Christo’s voice, it feels like it was written for the female gaze. And my gaze to be specific.
Calling out Klimt (my favorite painter), Anne Hathaway (my favorite actor), the crescent moon (part of my college lore) in the lyrics?? It’s like Christo knows me so well.
My name may not be Madeline but this is exactly how I feel seen by Luke. It was one of his standout tracks when he sent me a voice note recapping his first listen to the album.
You know, I hope you all know I did not plan on meeting the love of my life this year but wow am I glad it finally happened. Luke is not just a good friend and a fun person to talk to, but he’s so sweet and romantic and pure hearted and caring and just everything I have both ever wanted and needed in a partner. No other way to say it, he is an answered prayer. He’s so good to me that I have a hard time actually understanding that he is who I’ve been looking for all this time, like he is a real man and not just some Joe Jonas lookalike I wrote into existence. Also, by his accounts, he has been telling people that I’m both the woman of his dreams and the woman he’s going to marry. And y’all, it’s not that I never thought it would happen but I never thought it would feel and be this right. I am just so happy because of him.
I listen to this song often, trying to understand that this is the level of romantic and just pure love that Luke has for me. And all I want to do is be that woman that leads him to heaven. And I hope he hangs on for his life.
Just Like Magic
“One more tragic fantasy, like living in a nightmare, someone else’s dream. There’s magic all around us, can everyone feel it but me?”
After “Madeline”, this album takes a very interesting turn. Whereas side one of this album is almost like a mini arc with a happy ending, side two of this album is where things hit a plot twist. Christo has said that while the first half of the album is about his life lately, the second half imagines a different life path that could have unfolded. And honestly, it paints a very familiar picture for me. If side one of the album speaks to the hope and vision casting of the life I’m building in this next chapter, side two is the sobering reality of why I need to go.
“Just Like Magic” is exactly how I’ve felt living in LA in all my disillusioned restlessness. People come to my hometown to chase their dreams. I’ve been a witness to a lot of good things as I’ve seen people earnestly pursue their dreams here. But like Christo in this song, I feel nothing but angst about it because I don’t see the magic for myself anymore.
It’s been a really conflicting thing to contend with the disillusionment I’ve felt about this city, even/especially as we have seen its most difficult year ever. So it really hits me when Christo sings “one more tragic fantasy, like living in a nightmare, someone else’s dream”. The tragedies of this year broke me down so many ways, even if I was not directly affected each time. From the devastating fires in January to the heartbreaking ICE raids to the economic decimation of my local communities, this year has put good-hearted Angelenos through the wringer. But it’s also shown the true side of LA that cares about its diverse residents on the world’s stage. Witnessing how LA has fought through the tragedies this year has been a point of hometown pride. But as much as I’ve tried to get involved in community efforts to experience that connectedness, it feels like all I’ve been able to experience is the leftover magic, like remnants of glitter after a show. I am so proud to be from LA, but it’s not enough to keep me here anymore. The conviction that I need to build the rest of my life somewhere else simply outweighs it.
This song meets me in all the complicated feelings about that. I used to say “why would I ever leave LA? It has everything!” But as I’ve been getting older, this city is not what I need anymore. The constant sun mocks me. The car dependency tests me and pushes me more into feeling disconnected from myself and the people around me. Constantly looking for new, reliable friends and a reliable community to be part of feels like a losing game 90% of the time. Don’t get me started on how tired I am of the cultural values of status and keeping up appearances. It’s gotten so expensive to exist that I’m barely making it work while living with my parents. Which, living with my parents is a whole ‘nother set of tragedies that I’m resigned to at this point and truthfully, if I don’t get away from them soon, I will actually go insane. Yeah, so just that. My life in LA is a very miserable existence, I hope you get the picture. The amount of times I’ve screamed the words in my car to this song has been so needed. Honestly, some days, it’s all I have.
This song has the craziest breakdown. It really is SO BRAT. According to Christo, this song came to be before Brat came out so very wild that there was something in the water. In some album notes, they talked about being inspired by 90s house music with this song and it feels like the perfect backdrop to have such an existential crisis. It’s hazy and clubby and a surprising mix coming from Bad Suns. But also, it feels like an appropriate evolution of their sound.
Back To Zero
“I go to work everyday, every night I plan my escape, nothing ever works out the way I thought it would…”
The hazy, clubby vibe continues into “Back To Zero”, definitely a song that went triple platinum in my car this year.
This song soundtracked a few things and it’s been an interesting thing to unpack. Firstly, it felt like a flashback to my ex Steven. I was stuck on him literally until April of this year. I thought he was the one. Secondly, this song again paints the picture of how I’ve struggled feeling restless in LA. The city I never thought I’d leave started to feel like it was pushing me out. I thought LA was the one. And lastly, scarily, this song was there as I accidentally set myself off with a panic attack in London wondering if Luke would ever abandon me like Steven did and if then I would still stay in London after that. Thankfully, the way Luke sat with me through it made me realize he was very different from him. I think it was proof that Luke actually is the one.
“Back To Zero” captures a lot of the grief I was already feeling at the start of this year. Like I mentioned, 2023-2024 had been two years of things slowly breaking down. My life in LA really started to fade then. I knew it was breaking down because all the things I had been escaping to just weren’t doing it for me. No amount of concerts could satisfy me. No man in LA was proving to be a helpful distraction. My friends were all moving out of LA or moving on with their busy lives. No amount of restaurants or free events or sweet treats made any of my existence in LA worth it. I couldn’t help but still be stuck “looking back at nights I miss”.
This song seems to take all the grief of letting go of what I thought was for me and invites me to dance the pain away. It’s not a cure but it helps me to scream “I thought you were the one” over and over again to move through it. I’m always fascinated by the second verse because of the way it starts. It feels like a respite as he’s trying to cling onto the perspective of finding “beauty in what’s painful”. But then it devolves into a manic passion when he delivers the set of lyrics that were literally designed for me to go feral to. “Dismantle your lingerie”??? Christopher?!?!?! POETRY. And the way he sings it with that mix of manic passion and regret feels like the very picture of what it was like dating my ex. It feels good until you realize it’s actually not for you.
This song is a standout on this album because of the way it pushes Bad Suns into this new sonic world. It’s a sexy, angsty song and for that reason I have been obsessed. Also, no I cannot talk about the performance of this song live where Christo sauntered around the stage like a determined tiger singing this song and then jumped into the crowd like the legend he is. I am still recovering from that. And the thought that I may witness that two more times next year? Crazy. Luke, my love, we will need to unpack that together after the show — I am warning you now.
What’s Best For You
“I left the door open, it slammed in my face…”
This song speaks to the very slow death of my people pleaser self and how my pull to London is what’s best for me. It’s been a really tough thing realizing how deeply I’ve people pleased throughout my life. Honestly, so much of what’s left of my people pleaser self is tied to who I am when I’m in LA. This city feeds on free labor and flakiness so it’s refreshing when you find people that genuinely care about you and are willing to go the extra mile just out of the kindness of their hearts. That’s why as a native Angeleno I’ve tried my best to be the kind of person that means what they say and shows up. Emphasis on tried because I know I have failed.
The pain and the regret in this song helps me communicate the devastation that I can’t be that reliable friend or daughter in LA anymore. I need to let that part of my identity go, as much as it breaks my heart. I wish I could be the best for these people I have to loosen my grip for, but what’s best for them isn’t me. And that stings.
I feel the ache in Christo’s vocal performance here. It’s so needed at the crux of the arc in side two. When I first heard this song, it made me think about how I couldn’t be the best for my ex at the beginning of the year. But then it really shattered my heart when I realized that it was how I was feeling in a few of my relationships, namely a few friendships.
Because of my people pleasing, I have been in constant fear of appearing needy or self-centered. So, I’ve tended to overcompensate for my needs by appearing to be low maintenance and by bending over backwards to make things work. I have been the friend willing to drive all over SoCal just for a hang. I have been the friend organizing dinners and hangouts and activities only to have everyone I invited flake on me. I have been the friend eager to sweep months of silence under the rug because the other person remembered I exist and do care about them. It used to not bother me to do these things, but when my life in LA really started falling apart in the last couple years and the loneliness kicked in, it made me feel like there was nothing to live for here anymore. It felt like no one cared enough to check up on me.
This year and my new priorities have made me see that it’s just not sustainable to exist like that anymore. I am a limited human being with finite resources, time, mental space, and heart space in this current season. So whoever is able to reciprocate my love/match my energy is who I have space for. And some people just can’t meet me there anymore. It really fucking hurts to know that I have to accept that.
And the reality is that with my move to London it’s only going to get worse. The friends that are meeting me in those places may get more tests. My family will have to get used to existing differently without me through all the seasons of life (probably for the best imo). And this city will continue to change without me.
I sing this song with tears in my eyes as I express the deep ache in my heart thinking about my changing friendships, my family, and the overall broken dream of living in LA for the rest of my life. Because what’s best for me isn’t to keep finding reasons to hold myself back.
Postcard
“Maybe you’re right I was wrong to think you were the one, you were the one good thing about me…”
This song is me in London approximately a couple years, thinking about the broken dreams in LA that I am leaving behind. I’ve been grieving a lot the last few years but the thought of leaving behind my hometown has been surprisingly overwhelming.
It’s strange, I always thought that I would live somewhere else for a bit — heck this whole thing started because I remembered my dream of being an expat from 10 years ago — but I always felt that I would eventually find my place in LA. I thought I’d buy a house with a garden and a pool and a backyard recording studio near Pasadena, host girls nights and dinner parties and Bible studies, maybe get married or just live with a bunch of my single girlfriends, and still work in music somehow. More of the same lifestyle, just my own space honestly.
I’ve always thought that what makes LA so special and beautiful is that it really is a tapestry of cultures and misfits all looking for something new. I thought I’d always want to be part of it. But my heart just isn’t in it anymore.
Now, I don’t know anything for sure, but I am feeling like the life that awaits me in London is not just what I need but what I have longed for. Like that list above, just adapted for me and Luke in London.
This dreamy flashback of a song speaks to how much LA will always be part of me. I love the way Christo talks about the city in the first verse: “pain in a paradise disguise” and “rain on a cold, windswept night, tears upon the city of Angels” just feel like such vivid pictures of LA that I know so well. The first few times I listened to this song I wasn’t sure how to interpret it because I wasn’t seeing a breakup in my future. But then it hit me that I’m breaking up with the city that raised me. And because that isn’t happening just yet, this song is walking me through the rubble so far and all the new fissures that have been coming up as I prepare to uproot.
I don’t know the timeline of it all yet, but I have a suspicion it may happen sooner than I think. And that grief is going to be interesting to move through. Like I know I’ll get sad about it from time to time, but I can’t decide if I’ll actually ever be homesick for LA. Who knows.
But that said, before I leave LA for good, someone remind me to get a postcard to keep in my bedside drawer when I move.
Wait In The Car
“Stare at the stars, breathe when I wanna scream, learning the art of not falling apart…”
The first time I heard this song, I was just floored by the pictures of intimacy among the dreamy soundscape. Immediately it instilled a sense of hope in me.
I was afraid to think this when I first heard this song in August but now I know it for sure – this song feels like how Luke and I love each other and how our relationship is growing. It’s magical and protective and the kind of love song that just consumes and covers you.
As dreamy as this song is, it grounds me in the ways my relationship is growing. From co-regulating to communicating to learning to trust each other with the harder parts of life, it’s really revealing to me how not scary intimacy is when you’re with the right person. Getting to know Luke is literally one of my biggest joys. Loving him feels like breathing. I’ve truly never met an easier person to love.
That said, I’m well aware that we still have so much to learn about each other and so much to grow through together and so much to grow into together. The plea in the chorus of “don’t change for me, don’t change a thing, though I love to watch you changing” is such a good cheeky lyric because you can interpret it as watching someone changing out of clothes or watching someone changing into a new version of themselves. It’s like I can hear Luke saying that to me in his cheeky little English accent.
I bought a jean jacket at the Bad Suns pop up for the album release and it had Christo’s handwritten lyrics to this song. At the time of receiving these song lyrics in that coat, I was a little like “hmm, why this one?” But seeing how my relationship with Luke has grown since August makes me see how much it was God once again validating the fact that this is all supposed to be happening.
This song captures Luke and I’s dynamic so well, down to the glimmers of his protective side as I’ve told him about how much the Steven thing really hurt me. Thank God he knows that man is not worth his “time and money”. It’s funny how the right person makes your past not hurt anymore.
Do The Twist Of Fate
“Mess up my best life, see you in the next life, California screaming, life rolls on. Earth is where I’ll be, yeah you can always call me, reach out for no reason…”
The way I cried and hooted and hollered to this song after my first listen of the album — I was legit like “??? Oh so now we’re just telling me what’s gonna happen then, like my move to London isn’t just a want, it’s inevitable.”
In so many ways, 2025 was all about doing “the twist of fate”. And it doesn’t fail to blow my mind to think about how it all unfolded from the tug on my heart from London back in June 2024. If I hadn’t listened to that tug on my heart about London, I would not have crossed off going to SXSW from my bucket list this year. I would not have been curious enough to have tried living in the city for a month. I would not have met the man that is the love of my life in Luke. I wouldn’t have gotten validation from God that I need to live there. I would not have the confidence to step into the next decade of my life with the understanding that the life I’ve been dreaming about since I was a kid is something that God can make happen. And boy is it a much better story when I surrender to it.
I’m not scared of the changes that are coming. I’m excited and as much as I wanna accelerate my ass out of here, I know it’s gonna be a process that’s unfolding next year. Can’t wait to report back to y’all what comes next.
To end the album with “earth is where I’ll be yeah you can always call me, reach out for no reason” is really poetically insane. Because that’s verbatim what I am telling all my friends and family about my impending move to London.
Even with the hints of leaving LA, this song is a bit of a love letter to LA and I love it for that. The pictures in the verses of the song are playful and sweet. The thought of someone “stuck in traffic happily” is truly comical to me because believe me I’ve tried to understand it lol. And then the second verse almost feels like a childhood flashback. The levity towards LA at this point in the album is refreshing — it’s not grief, it’s not anger, it’s not sadness, it’s fondness. And that’s certainly how I’m trying to remember the city as I prepare to leave.
I have to address how the second verse starts with “out of friends, in spite of all the people pleasing”. Because Christo, you DID NOT need to call me out like that. But real talk, it has been hard to process how the loneliness I’ve struggled with has been because of my people pleasing. It’s like I finally realized that bending over backwards for people and never voicing my needs actually did nothing to help me and everything to hurt me.
There’s a classic Bad Suns sunny tone to this song that pairs well with arriving to the acceptance stage of grief. By the time we get to the last line of the song, you feel this sense of contentment like “finally, even though this is where I have to leave, I’m thankful for the journey I went through”. And that’s really where I hope to get to in the next chapter.
All in all, this album is a crazy journey with such specific and important details that make me feel like I am not alone on this new journey. The next few years of my life are gonna be something completely different from my life in LA and I just know they’re gonna be really special. I almost can’t wait to look back on this post and listen to this album like “wow, that was the last time I really felt just stuck in that cycle”. It makes me want to sob just tears of relief because I’ve been stuck in it for so long. This album tenderly recounts where I’ve been but it also paints a picture of where I’m going and it feels like validation that yes, it’s all supposed to be happening like this.
Thank you again to Bad Suns for making such an incredible album. And to Christo Bowman specifically, as always, in love with your lyrics and I can’t wait until the next time you decide to terrorize me by saying exactly what’s on my heart in the most beautiful ways possible. Bad Suns forever.
Honorable Mentions
So many good albums this year but these felt especially poignant on my life journey this year, listen to them because I told you to:
SOUNDS LIKE FEELS LIKE 