Well, as of today, I’m 27. I know, what the actual fuck. I just got used to being 26 but here I am, another year around the sun.

Instead of complaining about how old I am and how my body is actively breaking down on me, I’m choosing to lean into my youth with some shenanigans I want to take part in this year of my life.

I’ve spent the better part of my time on this earth trying to establish my credibility and maturity — only to realize I was doing a hell of a lot of people pleasing. I’m grateful for all the work I’ve done in therapy that has brought me to this realization, but in order to grow to another level of maturity, I’m feeling like it’s time I live a little.

So that’s what this playlist is about: being so aware of my flaws in a hot girl way, possibly on a mission to break some hearts and get some iconic songs written about me, and besides that, out in the world trying to be a solid human being.

I’m fully aware of the fact that some of the most iconic artists never made it past their 27th year and truthfully, I want to surpass them gracefully. I want to come out of this year saying that I had great adventures and a wonderful time being young. So without further ado…

Highlights

Tightrope by Young the Giant

“I went to war for peace of mind, what was it for?”

This bop explains all the tension I’m living in this year. And I knew there was a subconscious reason I haven’t been able to stop listening to it recently. The tension I’ve often thought about is wanting to focus on having fun for once in my life versus the way I’m always thinking through the consequences and what the authority figures in my life would think. Especially after the last couple years being in therapy, I was definitely in the battlefield for my peace of mind. Now, I’m asking myself what was it for? Well, to further sit in the tension, I’m firmly in the “what does God want me to do?” and “what do I want to do?” tension. And that’s no easy tightrope to walk lemme tell ya.

Wounded/Surrounded by Kid Bloom

“I get so lost in my devotion…”

This sexy little song feels a lot like this season’s femme fatale song. I said at the end of last year that my word for this year is “devotion” and I’m on a mission to redefine it. The difficult thing here is that it’s easy for me to make myself available and devote myself to things; it’s in my nature. But after becoming so aware of what happens when I’m not devoted to the right things, I’m worried about repeating my toxic patterns. So it leaves me feeling wounded and surrounded as I try to figure carve out new safe spaces and develop new friendships.

Life Was Easier When I Only Cared About Me by Bad Suns

“I hope the pain never ends, love is so bittersweet. Life was easier when I only cared about me…”

So this is the Bad Suns song that is jumping out at me for this year. I said in my 2022 reflection that I was surprised that it was my most played song last year. Upon further reflection, it is going to be a major theme this year. Whereas last year was all about the discovery of being rescued from my darkness, this year is the active practice of reminding myself that to love others is bittersweet. I’m in the process of learning to care for others and be cared for with a new perspective. I find myself kind of afraid of really letting new folks in because of the potential to hurt and be hurt by others. It’s this song that reminds me that even when I inevitably get hurt, I can still experience love and healing.

bloodline by Ariana Grande

“Love me, thank you, leave me, put it down, then it’s time to go. Get it like you love me, but you don’t, boy, it’s just for show…”

Wow, throwback to when Katie and I threw a joint Ariana Grande birthday party in 2019 because “thank u, next” dropped on my birthday. Truly a hilarious night. I added this song because I’m in my “I refuse to take men seriously” era. And what do I mean by that? Wellll…I’ve got two very attractive guys I’ve been engaging in fun banter with. And I love it! The new thing here though is that I’m not trying to be serious with either of them. Literally, I’m just here to be witty, engage in fun shenanigans, and call it a night. Usually when I like a guy, I fixate, set my heart eyes on them alone, and write songs about it until I break my own heart. Truly I’m sick of that cycle. I’m trying something different by 1) choosing to prioritize my sanity by checking my heart and 2) not taking either of these Joe Jonas-types seriously. These guys are probably the most “my type” folks I’ve ever known and honestly, send me more attention from others like them God, because this is fun.

Solid by MUNA

“She’s making a plan, she’s taking it higher…”

This is the song that I want to play in every room I walk strut into from now on. I feel empowered as fuck when I listen to this song. MUNA really said “I’m looking respectfully” with this song and that the kind of energy I’m demanding. From a new chapter at work to networking to new friends to potential lovers, I want to be celebrated for the solid person I am. And that’s a prime compliment in my eyes.

CHURCH GIRL by Beyoncé

“Good girls actin’ bad, church girls, don’t hurt nobody…”

When I heard this song, I was honestly like “how did Beyoncé capture the perfect balance of spicy wholesomeness that I aspire to be?” But of course why would I question the power of Bey? She could make that HAPPEN. This song explains the way I live in the tension of caring about my faith and having a good time at this point in my life. Yeah I got church in the morning but I will drop it like a thotty where appropriate. Anyone who judges on either end of the spectrum won’t understand it, but you know what, that’s me. And that my friends, is the duality of woman.

Serial Heartbreaker by Fletcher

“I like my alone time, but I want somebody to hold…”

Honestly speaking, I’d like to be in a relationship sometime this year. But before I do that, I feel the need to break some hearts and get some songs written about me. I’ve gotten to know myself really well and come to the realization that the only heart I’ve broken is my own. Knowing that though, I’ve come to believe that I’m incapable of getting my heart broken by someone else because no one can break my heart like I can. I just don’t let people get to me like I used to and it makes me feel powerful. Is it weird to want to be a troublemaker in someone else’s love life? Definitely! But idk, I want to go on the offensive because have you seen the men in the world? Some of them have lessons to learn and I think I could be a good teacher.

She Wolf by Shakira

“A domesticated girl that’s all you ask of me. Darling it is no joke, this is lycanthropy…”

I mean this one’s pretty self-explanatory. I’ve been working really hard lately and it makes total sense to me why the she wolf in my closet is begging to be let out. All I’ve known in my life has been how to find “the right thing to do” and do it. And it’s exhausting. What if, as an experiment, I messed around and found out? It’s definitely harder to do this and not cause worry from my loved ones. But I can’t let that keep me from living my life to the fullest. So what if I drive out to Palm Springs to see Harry Styles on a Wednesday after a full day of work and get home at 2:30am? It’s a STORY that I lived y’all!

Daydreaming by Harry Styles

“Give me all of your love, give me something to dream about…”

Speaking of Harry, in order to accomplish my heartbreaker mission, I have to do some soul searching as to what kind of heartbreaker I am. As much as I imagine myself as the rough around the edges type, I’m not. I’m a dreamy-eyed sweetheart who writes cute but realistic songs about the guys she likes. And you know what, that’s something men should fear. I’ve listened to this song so much because it’s a bop. But it literally sounds like my head 90% of the time these days. Especially when I oscillate between my two crushes. So maybe the key is to be so untouchable that they have to try to figure me out.

ALIEN SUPERSTAR by Beyoncé

“Can’t find an ocean deep that can compete with this cinnamon kiss, fire beneath your feet, music when you speak. You’re so unique…”

Renaissance is really THE album for my 27th year on this earth. I remember when the album first came out and all the pop astrology TikTokers were matching the songs with the signs. Hands down, “ALIEN SUPERSTAR” was THE song for Aquariuses. And I have to validate it, because this song is for me. I’m unique and it’s time I shine in it. This song is brazen and fun and that’s the energy I want to carry with me. Also, shoutout to my best friend Juliette who actually got tickets to see Beyoncé. Bar any wild things happening, we’re seeing Beyoncé this year?! I can’t believe it but HELL YEA. (That’s the energy for the year in a statement honestly.)